Wake up, mom!

"Our mom doesn't like to wake up in the morning.  Once she's up, she's fine, but getting her out of bed to feed us our breakfast can be a challenge.  Sometimes we need to start the process early.  Around three or four A.M. we start making noise and waking her up every hour on the hour.  This wears her down so that by six or seven she finally gets up and feeds us.  I used to have to do more of the work, but now that Grayson is here, he has taken over.  He runs around on the bed and attacks mom's feet.  I'm perfectly fine with this because that way I don't get in trouble.  That's not to say that I deserve no blame.  There are lots of things we cats can do to to wake our humans...without them even realizing it!  Just take a look at this video of Simon's Cat.  That Simon sure knows cat behavior (and his cat is very resourceful).  Just don't tell mom that we do stuff like this or she'll never buy us a baseball bat."

Willie's New Best Friend

"We had visitors for the recent 4th of July holiday weekend.  Mom's friends from Ohio, Nikki and Shelly, came to stay for a few days.  We've had adult human visitors before (and it was a repeat visit for both of these ladies), but this time there was something special.  Nikki's five year old daughter E came too!  I am the first to admit my lack of experience with human children.  Their strange habits puzzle me.  For example, why are their voices so loud and high-pitched?  Why do they sometimes run around erratically?  Why do they crawl on the ground and play with our cat toys?  I may never have the answers.  What I can do is tell you how well E fit in, or didn't fit in, with the feline crew.

First, the good news: Willie is in love with E!  The two of them became fast friends and Willie was continually amused by all the attention paid to him by E.  And in return, I think E was amused by Willie.  They're kind of on the same wavelength and maturity level.  The thing is, E will continue to learn and grow, but Willie is about as smart and mature as he's ever gonna get.  I've gotta give Willie props though.  He had more patience than I did when E picked him up (not an easy feat for her, because Willie needs to lose a couple pounds).  He never lashed out, clawed, bit, or otherwise showed aggression toward E.  Not even when she chased him.  Not even when she played patty-cakes with his paws (he just patty-caked her right back). 

On the other extreme of the feline spectrum, Grayson was scared witless by E's presence.  Poor Little Gray.  He's shy to begin with, and is very cautious around adult humans.  I think he just wasn't ready to be exposed to a human kid.  Grayson pretty much hid out in the bedroom, behind the bed, during E's waking hours.  He ventured out cautiously when she went down for afternoon naps, and after her bedtime.  But he had never met Nikki or Shelly, so he was timid around them too.  Mom felt bad that Grayson was so scared for four days.  I, on the other hand, think he got his just desserts for being such a pest to me over the last year.

Zorro was shy with E too.  That wasn't any surprise.  He's always shy with strange humans.  He kept his distance, but wasn't nearly as freaked out as Grayson.  The thing about Zorro is that he loves everyone...he just hates sudden noises or movements.  Zorro and I had no problem hanging out with E while she was sleeping, as you can see from this picture. 

Like Zorro, I think I prefer my human kids asleep.  But I do make exceptions.  E was very willing to play with me and Willie and our favorite dangly toys.  Mine is the Cat Dancer, and Willie's is a 'fishing pole' toy with metallic plastic streamers.  E could use some work on her technique with these toys, but she more than made up for it in enthusiasm and endurance.  Mom never plays with us for quite as long as E, who never seemed to tire.

So, was it worth it to have guests for the long weekend?  Yes, if you ask Willie and me.  (Willie definitely missed E after she left, and I was sad that this sociological experiment had to end.)  No, if you ask Grayson or Zorro.  (Actually, Zorro was kinda neutral about the visit, but Grayson breathed a huge sigh of relief when the weekend was over and he could go back to his normal routine.)  There you have it.  Our first experience with a human kid, and with mixed results.  E, you're welcome to come back anytime, just don't expect Grayson to be quite as welcoming as your best bud Willie!"

Products Curry Does Not Endorse

"Dear readers, I have recently learned about two absolutely ridiculous, humiliating feline products.  Only humans could come up with ideas so bad.  What do you guys do - spend all your waking thoughts figuring out how to embarass us, and solve some unimportant problem, for a profit?  I'm all for free enterprise, but this stuff is just crazy!  Here are two things I will never wear (and neither will Zorro or Grayson, but I can't speak for Willie):

#1 Humiliating Product: The CatBib

According to the website, the CatBib 'prevents your cat from catching and killing wildbirds.'  Okay, I think they've got a point there, because it 'interferes with your cat's hunting skills.'  But get this, they also say: 'without interfering with any other kitty activities.'  What?  You've got to be kidding me!  Have you seen this thing? By all means, it interferes with other kitty activities, namely with maintaining our air of dignity!  They also say it is 'comfortable and safe for your cat to wear.'  How on earth can that be?  What if you had some goofy neoprene bib hanging from your collar?  Would that feel good?  Would that make you happy, dear humans?  I think not.  In summary, the CatBib probably does do its job of saving the lives of a few poor little birdies, but at what expense?  Your cat will get beat up by all the other neighborhood felines.  And it will be your fault!

#2 Humiliating Product: Kitty Twitter

No, I'm not talking about cats like me who have our own Twitter accounts.  This is a bit different.  It's a prototype device that cats wear around their necks.  Once again, what IS it with humans strapping crap to our necks?  How would you like to wear a choker all the time?  Well, this Kitty Twitter concept might just be worse than the CatBib.  I like to call it 'Animal Farm Big Brother.'  This is for humans who just have to know what their cats are doing at all times.  It takes the nanny cam to a new level.  The Kitty Twitter would record your cat's every movement (by camera and GPS) when you are not home, and then broadcast said movements via Twitter.  It's the mastermind of Sony.  Of course, leave it to the Japanese to come up with something like this.  Remember, this is the country that gave us electronic pets (remember Tamagotchi?).  Well, I think the concept of Kitty Twitter is an invasion of privacy.  When we felines are home alone, that's our only time to be free of our over-protective humans.  I'm a grown up and I don't want my mom to know everything I do when she's not home.  Would you?  No!  It's not that I'm hiding anything, but c'mon, I'm a good cat, so grant me a measure of privacy now and then.  No wonder the photo shows a toy cat wearing the device.  No self-respecting feline would go for this.  Of course, my brother Willie might wear it, but I never said he was self-respecting.

So, there are two products that good cat lovers should never, ever buy!  Please, do us all a favor and steer clear of these horrible wastes of your hard-earned money.  Instead, buy more catnip, and give your cat more love and attention.  Don't, I beg of you, make your cat the laughingstock of your neighborhood."

Lions are Not Food!

"Nor are any cats, if you ask me.  I can't tell you how angry I am about the restaurant in Arizona that is serving lion meat in honor of the World Cup.  (Granted, they're probably not the only ones.)  They think THIS is the right way to honor one of Africa's great animals?  C'mon!  I'm a carnivore myself, but that is just WRONG!  Not only is the lion a beautiful, majestic animal, a symbol of raw power and strength, but a lion is a CAT!  It's not right to serve cat burgers!  No way, no how.  I weep for my lion brethren who are cruelly slaughtered for a mere hamburger.  Do these people not have cats as pets?  Do they not see the connection?  What's next, and should I be scared?  I know one thing, if I see anyone with a knife or a gun, I'm running!

So, let me take this opportunity to celebrate my beautiful cousins, the lions of Africa.  My words can't do these magnificent creatures justice, so I'll let this video speak for me.  (Wow, kudos to that one lion cub who showed no fear in the face of his daddy's fury!)  And to all you humans out there considering a lion burger, shame on you!"