Products Curry Does Not Endorse

"Dear readers, I have recently learned about two absolutely ridiculous, humiliating feline products.  Only humans could come up with ideas so bad.  What do you guys do - spend all your waking thoughts figuring out how to embarass us, and solve some unimportant problem, for a profit?  I'm all for free enterprise, but this stuff is just crazy!  Here are two things I will never wear (and neither will Zorro or Grayson, but I can't speak for Willie):

#1 Humiliating Product: The CatBib

According to the website, the CatBib 'prevents your cat from catching and killing wildbirds.'  Okay, I think they've got a point there, because it 'interferes with your cat's hunting skills.'  But get this, they also say: 'without interfering with any other kitty activities.'  What?  You've got to be kidding me!  Have you seen this thing? By all means, it interferes with other kitty activities, namely with maintaining our air of dignity!  They also say it is 'comfortable and safe for your cat to wear.'  How on earth can that be?  What if you had some goofy neoprene bib hanging from your collar?  Would that feel good?  Would that make you happy, dear humans?  I think not.  In summary, the CatBib probably does do its job of saving the lives of a few poor little birdies, but at what expense?  Your cat will get beat up by all the other neighborhood felines.  And it will be your fault!

#2 Humiliating Product: Kitty Twitter

No, I'm not talking about cats like me who have our own Twitter accounts.  This is a bit different.  It's a prototype device that cats wear around their necks.  Once again, what IS it with humans strapping crap to our necks?  How would you like to wear a choker all the time?  Well, this Kitty Twitter concept might just be worse than the CatBib.  I like to call it 'Animal Farm Big Brother.'  This is for humans who just have to know what their cats are doing at all times.  It takes the nanny cam to a new level.  The Kitty Twitter would record your cat's every movement (by camera and GPS) when you are not home, and then broadcast said movements via Twitter.  It's the mastermind of Sony.  Of course, leave it to the Japanese to come up with something like this.  Remember, this is the country that gave us electronic pets (remember Tamagotchi?).  Well, I think the concept of Kitty Twitter is an invasion of privacy.  When we felines are home alone, that's our only time to be free of our over-protective humans.  I'm a grown up and I don't want my mom to know everything I do when she's not home.  Would you?  No!  It's not that I'm hiding anything, but c'mon, I'm a good cat, so grant me a measure of privacy now and then.  No wonder the photo shows a toy cat wearing the device.  No self-respecting feline would go for this.  Of course, my brother Willie might wear it, but I never said he was self-respecting.

So, there are two products that good cat lovers should never, ever buy!  Please, do us all a favor and steer clear of these horrible wastes of your hard-earned money.  Instead, buy more catnip, and give your cat more love and attention.  Don't, I beg of you, make your cat the laughingstock of your neighborhood."